just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
