dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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