I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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