Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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