i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
