I think I won the penis lottery.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
