I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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