you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize