I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
