I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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