Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
where does the pee come out of this thing
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize