next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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