Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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