So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
