Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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