somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
