The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you would pick up someone in the library
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
