New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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