why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
