i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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