found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize