Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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