Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
