but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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