I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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