your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
