Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize