hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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