Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
