someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
