You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
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