Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
