do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
