he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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