i was born a porn star she said
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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