i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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