I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
