census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
