I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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