last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
