I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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