I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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