walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
