Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
