Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
