Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
