I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Randomize
