As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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