so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
