It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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