You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
