There was a lot of him and a little penis
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
