i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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