I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
