The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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