last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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