I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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