I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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