dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
