do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize