He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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